Dissonance

Lately I've been experiencing an uncomfortable disparity between what I believe to be true of God and how He interacts with His people, and how I feel about the current situation into which he has placed me, or allowed me to be placed at least. I know what the Bible says. He is always with me. He will never leave me. He is working all things together for my good. But, if I'm honest with myself. I don't feel like that. I feel like He's toying with me. "Haha! Lets see how much longer we can get him to twist in the wind before he breaks."

*sigh*

I'm thankful that as powerful as those feelings have been at times they have yet to penetrate the knowledge I have of God so that I truly believe such things of Him. So far, my belief in Him is steadfast but, somehow, the steadfast nature of my belief makes the dissonance that much harder to bear. The more firmly I cling to my hope in Him, the more it hurts that I don't see any change in my circumstances. That's not to say that I don't see any change. In many ways, I am changing, despite the pull of circumstances, in positive and healthy ways.

I suppose that experience does match up with my belief in God's character. Things like finances and job situations are simple matters and not high on His list of priorities. Growing my character, however, is much more complicated and a high value for Him. He wants me to be like Jesus and that is no small thing. Comfort and ease do not often build such character so I shouldn't wonder that I am uncomfortable and ill at ease.