Since I finally got to write a negative movie review (see below) I figured it was about time to write about something positive in my life. I know that for a lot of people in our culture marriage is not a positive topic. The failures of so many marriages have caused pain in so many lives that, for many, marriage is about as desirable as a root canal. Why is marriage so often the most painful experience when it ought to be a blessing? It is because there is no other relationship that we chose to enter into that approaches the depth of the marriage bond. As the Bible describes it, "the two will become one flesh". That is an intimacy that we don't find anywhere else. The problem comes, as always, with sin. When two people are that connected they have an incredible ability to do both great good and great harm. If we don't set out to do good intentionally we are more than likely to do damage. As I've said many times about marriage, whenever two fallen human beings are in that close proximity there will be conflict. Conflict is inevitable, damage is not. How we deal with conflict is probably the most important factor in the success of our marriages.
In my own marriage we've been through some rough times. My depression was awful for me but it was no picnic for my wife either. I was not available emotionally and I unintentionally communicated that she was not important to me. Two years of that lead to a deep chasm between us. As I came out of that state I saw that my marriage was not what I wanted it to be. I committed myself to making it as good as it can be. Over the last two years I think we've made great progress and we're closer now than we ever have been. There is still a long way to go though and I don't expect that we will ever quite arrive but there is no other human relationship into which I'd rather pour a lifetime of effort.
I've always understood that my marriage ought to be about more than just my wife and me but I recently heard a great perspective on marriage from John Piper. Marriage is intended to be a picture of how God relates to His people, specifically Jesus and the church. So, when my wife and I relate to each other we are supposed to show people how God relates to those who follow Him. That is a tall order to fill and, being imperfect, we will only ever fill it imperfectly. Having that as a goal, however, gives me a vision beyond my momentary needs and desires and puts our relationship in a context greater than ourselves. As someone who has difficulty being self-motivated, it is helpful to have a vision for my marriage that is about more than just me. I might not work hard at it for myself but I will be more likely to work hard at it for God, my wife, my children and all those who see my marriage and, hopefully, get a glimpse of God's love.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Movie Review #5: Repo Men
I have to say that I'm excited to write this review because after four glowing reviews I finally get to write a negative review. As someone who aspires to create film I do want to be humble even in my criticism of a film I don't think worked because I know that it takes a lot to create something and put it on display for the world. That being said, I don't think Repo Men was a good film and I certainly wouldn't recommend going to see it. I didn't have incredibly high expectations for this film. The premise was interesting but I knew it had limits to the depths it could reach and I was reasonably certain that I knew the general direction of the film before I even went. The first half hour was pretty much what I expected and, up to that point, it hadn't lost me. The second act, however, descends into ridiculousness. With absolutely no preparation, a major character is randomly introduced and is never properly explained or developed.
In case you missed seeing the trailers, Repo Men is set in the not to distant future when technology has reached a point where artificial organs are available to the general public. They are expensive but, as the salesperson will tell you, they will find a payment plan that fits your lifestyle. If, for some reason, the payment plan is too much for your lifestyle and you fall more than three months behind on your payments, Jude Law and Forrest Whitaker will come cut you open and take back your liver or lung or eye or whatever the company requires you to return. For some reason, in the future, this kind of wanton butchery is perfectly acceptable and no one seems to notice the trail of dead people left by these repo men. In fact, despite having a legal obligation to offer medical assistance, the repo men seem to have absolutely no intention of ever doing their job in a way that might possibly not end in their death. The first twist in our macabre tale comes when Jude Law needs a new heart. He certainly makes enough to pay for it with his butchery but now, pun intended, he's had a change of heart and just can't continue. The three months fly by and, before you know it, he's on the run from his co-workers. All that is in the trailers and was done about as well as can be expected. From that point on, however, the film becomes muddled and begins to make even less sense than it already did.
This is the second movie lately about a future vision of technology run amok, the other being Surrogates and, for my money, neither really worked. Perhaps if the repo men had some sort of qualms about what they did and were not merely thugs I would have been more engaged and the story could have gone in a deeper direction. Instead the filmmakers had only one direction to go, ultra-violence. They pursue that path with abandon and the last major fight scene is about as violent as any I've ever seen. Some of that is explained away but, for me, it was too little, too late. My thought, as I watched Jude Law fight his way down the hall was, "I wonder what he was thinking about his career as he was filming this scene".
In case you missed seeing the trailers, Repo Men is set in the not to distant future when technology has reached a point where artificial organs are available to the general public. They are expensive but, as the salesperson will tell you, they will find a payment plan that fits your lifestyle. If, for some reason, the payment plan is too much for your lifestyle and you fall more than three months behind on your payments, Jude Law and Forrest Whitaker will come cut you open and take back your liver or lung or eye or whatever the company requires you to return. For some reason, in the future, this kind of wanton butchery is perfectly acceptable and no one seems to notice the trail of dead people left by these repo men. In fact, despite having a legal obligation to offer medical assistance, the repo men seem to have absolutely no intention of ever doing their job in a way that might possibly not end in their death. The first twist in our macabre tale comes when Jude Law needs a new heart. He certainly makes enough to pay for it with his butchery but now, pun intended, he's had a change of heart and just can't continue. The three months fly by and, before you know it, he's on the run from his co-workers. All that is in the trailers and was done about as well as can be expected. From that point on, however, the film becomes muddled and begins to make even less sense than it already did.
This is the second movie lately about a future vision of technology run amok, the other being Surrogates and, for my money, neither really worked. Perhaps if the repo men had some sort of qualms about what they did and were not merely thugs I would have been more engaged and the story could have gone in a deeper direction. Instead the filmmakers had only one direction to go, ultra-violence. They pursue that path with abandon and the last major fight scene is about as violent as any I've ever seen. Some of that is explained away but, for me, it was too little, too late. My thought, as I watched Jude Law fight his way down the hall was, "I wonder what he was thinking about his career as he was filming this scene".
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Emptiness
It has not escaped my notice that the topics I've been writing about are getting increasingly grim. That isn't an indication of my personal descent, once again, into depression. I'm actually doing relatively well. I suppose it is because it is in these grim moments where we are tested. How will we respond when we've failed? What will I do when I feel empty? The topic of emptiness only came up because it's time to write and I couldn't think of anything specific. I've always said that I do best with a specific prompt. Given the option to write about anything, my first inclination is to examine what "anything" means. So, with nothing specific to write about, I ponder emptiness. It doesn't feel nice to feel empty, devoid of emotional and physical resources. Much of our culture is built around avoiding that feeling. We want to be empowered, productive and full. Some of us are better at this than others. For much of my life I was very good at it. Then I hit the end of myself and found that I had nothing left to give. I felt empty for a good long time and I'm not going to lie, it hurt. But, just like the failure I wrote of previously, finding myself empty was a blessing I couldn't have expected.
I learned from that experience. I learned what the Bible means when it says that when I am weak, He is strong and His strength is made perfect in my weakness. What I realized is that, as empty as I felt, the reality is that I had access to life that would fill me to overflowing. I just needed to be emptied of me first. I had to let go of my plans, my competences, my need to be right. I could not let go so those things had to be torn from me to make me a better man. So, I was emptied so I could be filled. If only it was a one-time emptying and filling I'd be set. The reality, however, is that that experience was just the first step in training myself to let go and take the bit. Like a horse, I had to be broken before I could be useful.
That isn't a popular idea today, allowing oneself to be mastered by another. With our grim history of slavery and racial segregation, the idea of submitting to someone, even God, as a slave is abhorrent. We like to remind ourselves often that we are free people and that we have fought and won that freedom. I could not agree more that among humans, slavery is an absolute evil. I have no more right to subjugate my fellow man than I have to murder him. But, lets not forget who we're talking about here. I am not talking about submitting to the yolk of slavery by another mere man but God Almighty. When it comes down to it, if slavery to Him is bad, opposition to Him can only be worse but, as Jesus told us, we come humbling ourselves to slavery but are greeted as sons and daughters but that usually requires reaching a place of emptiness.
I learned from that experience. I learned what the Bible means when it says that when I am weak, He is strong and His strength is made perfect in my weakness. What I realized is that, as empty as I felt, the reality is that I had access to life that would fill me to overflowing. I just needed to be emptied of me first. I had to let go of my plans, my competences, my need to be right. I could not let go so those things had to be torn from me to make me a better man. So, I was emptied so I could be filled. If only it was a one-time emptying and filling I'd be set. The reality, however, is that that experience was just the first step in training myself to let go and take the bit. Like a horse, I had to be broken before I could be useful.
That isn't a popular idea today, allowing oneself to be mastered by another. With our grim history of slavery and racial segregation, the idea of submitting to someone, even God, as a slave is abhorrent. We like to remind ourselves often that we are free people and that we have fought and won that freedom. I could not agree more that among humans, slavery is an absolute evil. I have no more right to subjugate my fellow man than I have to murder him. But, lets not forget who we're talking about here. I am not talking about submitting to the yolk of slavery by another mere man but God Almighty. When it comes down to it, if slavery to Him is bad, opposition to Him can only be worse but, as Jesus told us, we come humbling ourselves to slavery but are greeted as sons and daughters but that usually requires reaching a place of emptiness.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Movie Review #4: Alice in Wonderland
Ah, Tim Burton, you're so predictable some times. Whenever we go to your movies there are a few things we can expect. Johnny Depp with weird hair, speaking strangely. Your wife, Helena Bonham Carter, with weird hair, speaking strangely. A certain art direction that makes us feel like we're on the canvas of a painting that is in the process of being painted. The colors are vibrant and not particularly blended together yet. None of these things are bad in principle but I, for one, have begun to wonder how many times you can play these notes and produce an interesting film. When I went to the theater to see your latest, Alice in Wonderland, I admit that I was expecting to not be caught up in the world you created but distracted by so many familiar images. Well, you got me!
Alice in Wonderland, as created by Walt Disney animation sixty years ago, has become so much a part of the American culture that I, at least, thought I knew what to expect from Tim Burton's new live-action version. Just the same story but with Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter with weird hair, speaking strangely. What I got was a new vision, still old art direction but, as usual, it worked. All the expected characters are there, the white rabbit, Tweedledee and Tweedledum, the Cheshire Cat and of course the Mad Hatter. But Alice is more grown up than I expected and she faces challenges that are equally grown up.
The progression of the film is about as uneven as Johnny Depp's accent throughout the film and there are moments when the sound mixers ought to have turned up the volume on the dialog. But, let's be honest, Tim Burton's films are not about plot progression or sound mixing. They are about the art direction, the story and Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter sporting weird hair and speaking strangely. This movie delivers on all those things. The story is engaging even when we can't understand what the characters are saying and the art direction suits it well. So, for all my protestation of late that Tim Burton should do something different. I have to eat my words and say that I'm glad he didn't do so on this occasion.
Alice in Wonderland, as created by Walt Disney animation sixty years ago, has become so much a part of the American culture that I, at least, thought I knew what to expect from Tim Burton's new live-action version. Just the same story but with Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter with weird hair, speaking strangely. What I got was a new vision, still old art direction but, as usual, it worked. All the expected characters are there, the white rabbit, Tweedledee and Tweedledum, the Cheshire Cat and of course the Mad Hatter. But Alice is more grown up than I expected and she faces challenges that are equally grown up.
The progression of the film is about as uneven as Johnny Depp's accent throughout the film and there are moments when the sound mixers ought to have turned up the volume on the dialog. But, let's be honest, Tim Burton's films are not about plot progression or sound mixing. They are about the art direction, the story and Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter sporting weird hair and speaking strangely. This movie delivers on all those things. The story is engaging even when we can't understand what the characters are saying and the art direction suits it well. So, for all my protestation of late that Tim Burton should do something different. I have to eat my words and say that I'm glad he didn't do so on this occasion.
Monday, March 15, 2010
Failure
For those of you who are good at math and understand a calendar, you'll notice that this post is late. It has been more than a week since my last post which was itself barely on time. This brings me to a topic with which I've become all too acquainted in recent years, failure. Now, don't get me wrong, its not that I didn't fail until a few years ago. I'm certain that I racked up my fair share of failures throughout my life. Its just that I wasn't all that acquainted with them. I think that the reason for this lack of acquaintance was a general lack of concern. I just didn't care about what I was failing at. Perhaps that is why I failed in the first place. The difference in recent years has been that I really did care about what I was doing, finally, and I failed anyway. Of course, I'm not talking about complete and utter failure, just some failures. Moving on...
Let's not kid ourselves. Failure hurts. It hurts our pride, our self image and, depending on the type of failure, it hurts others as well. But amid all that pain, there is a reality about failure that often goes unnoticed. It has been said that pain is the best teacher but in my experience, the pain of failure is the best of the best. Through my own failures I have learned more about myself, others and, most importantly, God than I have from any other source. To say that going through the pain of failure was unpleasant would be quite an understatement but in hindsight I would not give up that unpleasantness for all the tea in China. Not just because I don't like tea but because on the other side of that pain were lessons I don't believe I would have learned in any other way.
I learned that I am broken. Not that my failures and pain broke me but that I was already broken, I just didn't know it. I learned that that brokenness means that I am completely dependent on the grace of God to succeed and not fail. Again, not that this became the case but that this had always been the case, I was merely unaware of it. I am hopeful that these lessons are the beginning of true humility in my heart as this was a character trait I was sorely lacking. Just ask anyone who knew me before my depression. Humility would not be among the character traits they would have used to describe me. Not that I've achieved it yet but I'm hopeful that I'm growing into humility. If failure is what it takes to get there it is totally worth it.
Let's not kid ourselves. Failure hurts. It hurts our pride, our self image and, depending on the type of failure, it hurts others as well. But amid all that pain, there is a reality about failure that often goes unnoticed. It has been said that pain is the best teacher but in my experience, the pain of failure is the best of the best. Through my own failures I have learned more about myself, others and, most importantly, God than I have from any other source. To say that going through the pain of failure was unpleasant would be quite an understatement but in hindsight I would not give up that unpleasantness for all the tea in China. Not just because I don't like tea but because on the other side of that pain were lessons I don't believe I would have learned in any other way.
I learned that I am broken. Not that my failures and pain broke me but that I was already broken, I just didn't know it. I learned that that brokenness means that I am completely dependent on the grace of God to succeed and not fail. Again, not that this became the case but that this had always been the case, I was merely unaware of it. I am hopeful that these lessons are the beginning of true humility in my heart as this was a character trait I was sorely lacking. Just ask anyone who knew me before my depression. Humility would not be among the character traits they would have used to describe me. Not that I've achieved it yet but I'm hopeful that I'm growing into humility. If failure is what it takes to get there it is totally worth it.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Movie Review #3: Invictus
It should be noted at the outset that the opinion expressed in this review is not shared by the two gentlemen who accompanied me to the screening of this film. They both felt that there was something missing. A little of this, some of that, more of such-and-such. For my money, Invictus was as perfectly crafted as any film in recent memory. Eastwood builds the perfect balance of tension from the racial divide that defined South Africa for so long, the clear and present threat of assassination of that nation's first black president and a rugby team facing an upcoming world cup they have no business participating in, much less winning.
In the same way that Spielberg told the story of the holocaust through the specific lens of Schindler's List, Eastwood takes one chapter of Nelson Mandela's life to show how the courage of one man to forgive centuries of injustice inspired a nation to move into a new era. When Mandela took office, the challenge he faced was vast. South Africa was divided along very strict racial lines. The white Afrikaners had many fears, not the least of which was reprisal from a long oppressed black populace. The black South Africans were ecstatic with hope that finally they had a representative in the highest level of government. It was with great wisdom that Mandela realized that alienating the white populace would be detrimental to the future of the country he would now lead. In a very risky move he urged the sporting council, now comprised solely of blacks, to reverse their decision to do away with the name, colors and symbol of the national rugby team, the Springboks. Long seen as the white people's team, most black South Africans would root for any team that played the Springboks. Instead of abolishing the Springboks, Mandela enlisted their help and rallied his country around their rugby team.
This movie was about many things. It was about rugby, it was about the aftermath of Apartheid in South Africa it was about Nelson Mandela. What struck me the most, on a personal level, was the theme of forgiveness. We all struggle at some level with forgiveness in our personal lives. We're hurt by things that people say and do. It takes a conscious act of the will to forgive. It is an act of great courage. Now multiply those hurts to the scale of centuries of oppression, degradation and marginalization. How much courage does it take to be the first to stand up and forgive that much pain? As one of Mandela's bodyguards makes clear, he is not a saint, he is a man. If this man can forgive and lead a whole people to forgiveness and the beginnings of reconciliation, perhaps the hurts in our lives are not unforgivable.
In the same way that Spielberg told the story of the holocaust through the specific lens of Schindler's List, Eastwood takes one chapter of Nelson Mandela's life to show how the courage of one man to forgive centuries of injustice inspired a nation to move into a new era. When Mandela took office, the challenge he faced was vast. South Africa was divided along very strict racial lines. The white Afrikaners had many fears, not the least of which was reprisal from a long oppressed black populace. The black South Africans were ecstatic with hope that finally they had a representative in the highest level of government. It was with great wisdom that Mandela realized that alienating the white populace would be detrimental to the future of the country he would now lead. In a very risky move he urged the sporting council, now comprised solely of blacks, to reverse their decision to do away with the name, colors and symbol of the national rugby team, the Springboks. Long seen as the white people's team, most black South Africans would root for any team that played the Springboks. Instead of abolishing the Springboks, Mandela enlisted their help and rallied his country around their rugby team.
This movie was about many things. It was about rugby, it was about the aftermath of Apartheid in South Africa it was about Nelson Mandela. What struck me the most, on a personal level, was the theme of forgiveness. We all struggle at some level with forgiveness in our personal lives. We're hurt by things that people say and do. It takes a conscious act of the will to forgive. It is an act of great courage. Now multiply those hurts to the scale of centuries of oppression, degradation and marginalization. How much courage does it take to be the first to stand up and forgive that much pain? As one of Mandela's bodyguards makes clear, he is not a saint, he is a man. If this man can forgive and lead a whole people to forgiveness and the beginnings of reconciliation, perhaps the hurts in our lives are not unforgivable.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Procrastination
I have exactly 29 minutes to post this in order to fulfill my requirements to post at least once every calendar week. It is typical of me to be doing something like this at the last minute. Almost every paper I wrote in school was written the day before it was due. I guess I've always been a procrastinator. It is a character flaw in me that I am simultaneously ashamed of and totally comfortable with. I have made virtually no effort to change it, ever. However, it is something I generally don't want people to know about me. I suppose that is because I fear that it is evidence of a more pervasive laziness in me. That is something I have worked to change but I am often disappointed at my lack of success.
I do have my moments though. Once I get going, I'm a very good worker. For example, in my current situation, I have a number of things that I need to do. Things like laundry, dishes, errands and the like. Most weeks I will do little to nothing on most days but one or two days a week I will accomplish almost everything at once. I've always likened my work habits to inertia. If I'm at rest, I tend to want to stay at rest. If I'm in motion, I will likely stay in motion. I have never been a "self-starter" unfortunately every single employer in the known universe only wants to hire "self-starters". Given the variety of personalities in the world I would speculate that only 1/4 of the people on the planet are truly "self-starters". Most of us need to be motivated. For some, money is sufficient motivation. I suppose that is the only downside to the active steps I've taken to try to not conform to the world's pattern of valuing money. Money is not as powerful a motivator for me as it is for most people. Besides, even if it was, I doubt that I would ultimately be doing what I was made to do if I sought employment solely for monetary gain.
When it comes down to it, all of those rationalizations are meaningless. It doesn't matter what I would do naturally and its good that money isn't my motivation but that doesn't mean I don't need to motivate myself. The fact of the matter is, God has created me and called me for His purposes. I have two choices. I can sit around and give in to inertia or I can stand up and say, "Here am I Lord, send me" and go.
I made it! 11:45
I do have my moments though. Once I get going, I'm a very good worker. For example, in my current situation, I have a number of things that I need to do. Things like laundry, dishes, errands and the like. Most weeks I will do little to nothing on most days but one or two days a week I will accomplish almost everything at once. I've always likened my work habits to inertia. If I'm at rest, I tend to want to stay at rest. If I'm in motion, I will likely stay in motion. I have never been a "self-starter" unfortunately every single employer in the known universe only wants to hire "self-starters". Given the variety of personalities in the world I would speculate that only 1/4 of the people on the planet are truly "self-starters". Most of us need to be motivated. For some, money is sufficient motivation. I suppose that is the only downside to the active steps I've taken to try to not conform to the world's pattern of valuing money. Money is not as powerful a motivator for me as it is for most people. Besides, even if it was, I doubt that I would ultimately be doing what I was made to do if I sought employment solely for monetary gain.
When it comes down to it, all of those rationalizations are meaningless. It doesn't matter what I would do naturally and its good that money isn't my motivation but that doesn't mean I don't need to motivate myself. The fact of the matter is, God has created me and called me for His purposes. I have two choices. I can sit around and give in to inertia or I can stand up and say, "Here am I Lord, send me" and go.
I made it! 11:45
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Movie Review #2: My Blueberry Nights
The moment I heard that Wong Kar Wai was making a movie staring singer Norah Jones alongside actors like Jude Law, Natalie Portman and Rachel Weisz there was no doubt in my mind this was a movie for me. I am a big fan of one of WKW's earlier films "In The Mood For Love" and have been wanting to see others but haven't had the opportunity until now. Norah Jones is one of my favorite singers and I was hoping for a performance as powerful as Bjork, another singer acting in her first film, in "Dancer in the Dark". While she did not come remotely close to that level I will say that Ms. Jones did a fantastic job and I came away from the film satisfied.
Elizabeth, as portrayed by Jones, is a young woman who has just suffered heartbreak in the form of a cheating lover. She meets Jeremy, a British import who runs a cafe in New York, played with all of Jude Law's not inconsiderable charm. The bond over blueberry pie and broken hearts but Elizabeth is not ready to move on with her life just yet. She has a lot to learn about herself and she can't do that eating blueberry pie in New York. She travels the country working in diners and bars and encountering a variety of people, all of them broken in one way or another. Through sharing their stories Elizabeth learns a little about herself and so do we.
To me, film has always been an art form. Yes, it is entertainment but that is not unusual in other genre's of art. Literature for example, has a wide variety of forms from the more accessible popular novels to poetry which appeals to a more narrow audience. Most films are more like novels, this film has more in common with poetry. If you're looking for a dynamic plot, driven by intense conflict or if you want action, My Blueberry Nights will put you to sleep. If, on the other hand, you enjoy a well crafted story that is about nothing more than one part of a character's journey, where the lessons she learns aren't exactly spelled out for you but require a bit of attention, then I would highly recommend that you watch "My Blueberry Nights".
Elizabeth, as portrayed by Jones, is a young woman who has just suffered heartbreak in the form of a cheating lover. She meets Jeremy, a British import who runs a cafe in New York, played with all of Jude Law's not inconsiderable charm. The bond over blueberry pie and broken hearts but Elizabeth is not ready to move on with her life just yet. She has a lot to learn about herself and she can't do that eating blueberry pie in New York. She travels the country working in diners and bars and encountering a variety of people, all of them broken in one way or another. Through sharing their stories Elizabeth learns a little about herself and so do we.
To me, film has always been an art form. Yes, it is entertainment but that is not unusual in other genre's of art. Literature for example, has a wide variety of forms from the more accessible popular novels to poetry which appeals to a more narrow audience. Most films are more like novels, this film has more in common with poetry. If you're looking for a dynamic plot, driven by intense conflict or if you want action, My Blueberry Nights will put you to sleep. If, on the other hand, you enjoy a well crafted story that is about nothing more than one part of a character's journey, where the lessons she learns aren't exactly spelled out for you but require a bit of attention, then I would highly recommend that you watch "My Blueberry Nights".
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