Employment

I know it has been very long since I last wrote. I didn't bother to go back and see when the last post was. I'm sure I'd just be annoyed at myself. The reason for the hiatus, I suppose, is a combination of writer's block, thinker's block and just plain lack of internal motivation.

For those of you who are not aware, the last eight months have been a particularly trying time for me as far as employment goes. Up until then I had been the primary caretaker for my amazing daughter Anne. (If you doubt the 'amazing' you clearly haven't met her) As of September last year my sister-in-law Tracy took over those duties so I could go back to work. But there is the rub. When I graduated from seminary in 2008 we were just entering the worst job market in my lifetime and things have not really improved since. For months I scoured job boards looking for opportunities I could pursue only to be continually disappointed at the utter lack of anything that resembled a job I would actually want that might, even in some small way, be considered a 'career'. At various times I did find jobs I was very interested in.

First I found a job posting for doing drafting for Habitat for Humanity. I was blown away at how awesome that seemed and how perfect for me. I immediately applied and tried to contact their HR by phone. I never heard anything from anyone and was never able to get through to anyone.

Then, I considered an option I had, up to this point, flatly ignored. I looked into becoming a chaplain in the military, the Navy, to be precise. I pursued that for months, getting more and more excited about the opportunity to counsel young men and women and serve God in some unique ways. Much to my surprise it was one of the requirements that I was sure I met that turned out to be my undoing. It turned out that the US military requires that their chaplains have an advanced degree of no less than 72 units. My MA is 66 units. Six units short. And, no, I could not go back and take two classes. Apparently that is not acceptable. So, we move on.

At the moment I am in an even stranger place though. In the middle of March I was at a birthday party for a two year old boy at my church who goes to Sunday school with my aforementioned amazing daughter, Anne. That boy's grandfather is a wonderful man who I have known almost as long as I have been at that church and we got to talking about my job search. I must clarify, by 'we' I mean he and I and my wife and sister-in-law. Its far too complex to go into here but suffice it to say, that combination of people in that conversation steered it in a direction that it would have been unlikely to go had the situation been different. About a week later I had a job. A job I did not particularly want. A job I still do not particularly want.

Now, flash back a week before that conversation. I was looking around on job boards again and I came across a posting for a job that I had only even believed existed in my wildest dreams. As far as I have been able to gather from the posting it would be a combination of almost all my talents, passions, education and experiences. Naturally I applied but with little hope of actually getting the job as I am certain there are scores of people who are just as passionately interested as I am. Since applying there has been a single ray of hope that I might, at least, get past the first stage and get an interview. But it has been many weeks as I wait for news.

Now, this blog was never actually intended to be for posts like this. I intended to pontificate about interesting topics related to manhood, husbandhood, fatherhood, Christianity, modern culture and films. But, right now, this is what I've got. I suppose, in a way, this does relate to all those topics (except probably film) but I don't have the emotional energy to pontificate. So, I guess this will just be what it is.

Fidelity

I often think and speak about living out our faith as followers of Jesus in the world and how we ought to interact with people who don't yet follow Him. The reality is that I am rarely able to do so myself. I did have one of those rare opportunities tonight. I went climbing at our local climbing gym with my sister-in-law and her husband. They have made some friends there and I got to meet them as well. One of the young men semi-spontaneously asked if we thought it was possible to be in a long term relationship without cheating. Of course, we said it is certainly possible and offered our relationships as evidence. I wasn't expecting to be able to talk with him further about it but as he was leaving I happened to be sitting near his stuff and we got to talking again.

I'm hopeful that what I said to him about relationships is helpful and moves him closer to God but I also learned from the experience. As I continued to reflect on the frame of mind required for someone in his position to have a relationship and remain faithful I examined my own heart. I recognized that what it requires for me is to put my wife and her needs before myself and my needs. I was, of course, struck by how imperfectly I do that and was faced with some real change that is needed in my own heart. It is a matter of choice. I must make the choice moment by moment to let go of what I want or even what I need in favor of what my wife, my daughter, my friends and others need. This is certainly a counter-cultural notion. A counter-cultural notion that could change the world if those of us who follow the One who embodied it and taught it would live it out more and more.

Authority

*Submitted as a sample to apply as a contributer for Examiner.com*

The more cosmopolitan our culture becomes, the more influences vie for our allegiance. In many ways, this coming together of diverse viewpoints is a wonderful thing that strengthens our collective thinking. On the other hand, with so many options to choose from, one can be left swimming in a sea of ideas with no foundation on which to stand. This leads to a disturbing trend among Christians today. Quite often even long-time believers can be seen abandoning clear biblical teaching in favor of the latest popular idea.

It is not difficult to understand how this happens. We are all influenced by the people around us and most of us just want to fit in and get along. Many of the doctrines taught in the Bible and long-held in orthodox theology are out of favor in our popular culture. In addition, there are always voices in our culture that will claim the title of "Christian" while espousing viewpoints that are at odds with a biblical worldview and those voices lend credibility to a move away from biblical authority.

Certainly it would be foolish to expect those who do not claim to be Christians to hold the Bible as their authority over their lives but when those who do make that claim abandon the Bible, it is at their own peril. Being a Bible-believing Christian and holding true to a biblical worldview is not easy, nor should it be. Jesus said that those who followed him would have to take up their cross. He said that those who follow him would have to lose their lives for his sake. He said we would share in His sufferings. Sounds exciting, doesn't it?

If you're still not convinced that the Bible ought the be the foundation for the worldview of anyone who claims to follow Christ, try reading it for yourself.

Dissonance

Lately I've been experiencing an uncomfortable disparity between what I believe to be true of God and how He interacts with His people, and how I feel about the current situation into which he has placed me, or allowed me to be placed at least. I know what the Bible says. He is always with me. He will never leave me. He is working all things together for my good. But, if I'm honest with myself. I don't feel like that. I feel like He's toying with me. "Haha! Lets see how much longer we can get him to twist in the wind before he breaks."

*sigh*

I'm thankful that as powerful as those feelings have been at times they have yet to penetrate the knowledge I have of God so that I truly believe such things of Him. So far, my belief in Him is steadfast but, somehow, the steadfast nature of my belief makes the dissonance that much harder to bear. The more firmly I cling to my hope in Him, the more it hurts that I don't see any change in my circumstances. That's not to say that I don't see any change. In many ways, I am changing, despite the pull of circumstances, in positive and healthy ways.

I suppose that experience does match up with my belief in God's character. Things like finances and job situations are simple matters and not high on His list of priorities. Growing my character, however, is much more complicated and a high value for Him. He wants me to be like Jesus and that is no small thing. Comfort and ease do not often build such character so I shouldn't wonder that I am uncomfortable and ill at ease.

Movie Review #10: The Social Network

Jon Rasmussen is writing a review of "The Social Network".

Now that you're up to date on my status. Lets get on to reviewing David Fincher's latest cinematic offering about Mark Zuckerberg and the creation of Facebook. I have to admit that I was surprised when I first saw a preview for "The Social Network". I've been quite familiar with Facebook for quite some time now but I had no idea that anything about it could possibly make for a compelling movie. Little did I know that lurking beneath the clean, addictive and wildly popular social networking site was a fascinating tale of desire, genius and the perks and perils of success.

The story of Facebook and the creative genius behind it, Mark Zuckerberg, is somewhat shrouded in mystery. As we are informed by the text at the end, most of the real-life counterparts of characters in the movie have signed non-disclosure agreements with regard to their dealings with Zuckerberg. This, for me, begs the question of how the story came to be known to Ben Mezerich, author of the source material. However the story that appeared on the screen got there, it is indeed compelling.

In "The Social Network" Mark Zuckerberg is the stereotypical nerd. He is socially awkward, incredibly brilliant and has difficulty with the ladies. When we meet him he is having a conversation with his girlfriend who attends another university near enough to Harvard for them to have met and had a relationship. Things do not go well and Mark goes home and, while drunk, hacks half of the servers on Harvard's network. All Mark really wants is recognition and status. His one ambition is to be invited into one of the ultra-exclusive clubs on campus. The clubs are cool, have crazy parties and all but ensure future financial success. As we follow him on his journey from that drunken night in his dorm room to two separate depositions for lawsuits brought against him by two different parties we see the rise of the youngest billionaire in the world and we learn that the title of this film goes far beyond defining what Facebook brings to the internet. What Mark understands is that Facebook is not creating a social network where none previously existed. Rather, it is digitizing a pre-existing network of friendships and acquaintances. The relationships that make up this network are not nearly as simple and clean as they appear on the computer screen.

Like any great film, "The Social Network" brings up fantastic topics for further discussion. Unlike the last film I reviewed, however, I very much enjoyed watching this one and highly recommend it. I will ask you to do me a favor though. Please don't just watch this film. Think about it. Talk about it. Blog about it. Because every film should invoke a specific response and what more appropriate response could there be to a film about Facebook than exercising the forum provided by the internet and adding your voice to the mix?

Movie Review #9: I'm Still Here

Until director Casey Affleck admitted, just days after its release, that the events depicted in his latest film "I'm Still Here" were fictional, no one quite knew for sure if two-time Academy Award nominee Joaquin Phoenix had, in fact, retired from acting to pursue a career as a hip-hop artist. So elaborate was the ruse that whenever he was in public or on camera, Phoenix was in character as JP, a fictionalized version of himself. In order to give this film an adequate run-down I will need to approach it from multiple angles.

First, I have to admit that I honestly did not enjoy watching this film. That's not to say it was a bad film, as I'll explain I think that this film shows a particular kind of genius and I'm very glad I watched it this once. That being said, I have no desire to watch it again, nor can I truly recommend it to anyone else. I will give you fair warning. If you are in any way squeamish or easily offended by profanity and crudeness avoid this film entirely. Don't worry, you'll still be able to participate in the fascinating and worthwhile discussions it raises.

Which brings me to my next point which is the genius of what Affleck and JP created. Were it not for the visceral, negative reaction to this film that my movie-going companion had and the great lengths I went to to defend its makers I might not have delved deep enough to explain here what I suspect these young celebrities were trying to accomplish. What they did transcended the standard film making formula in ways that are indebted to mockumentarians Rob Reiner and Christopher Guest as well as Sacha Baron Cohen's "Borat". However, what they made was neither a mockumentary (I don't believe they intended to mock anything) nor an elaborate prank meant to shock. It was certainly elaborate but the sense I got was that they wanted to create a portrait that would draw their audience in farther than the artifice of film generally allows. To that end they produced a character, not on a movie set but on the public stage. Then they filmed that character. What I think they achieved was a piece of art that accomplishes what only art can do, namely raise deep questions about real issues with the safety and distance of the media but the real, raw emotion of a group therapy session. It is a dangerous game to play, and it may end up backfiring on them, but at the very least it raises serious questions. It raises questions about deception and film. Is the deception of this film any different than any other film? If so, how and is that difference significant? Perhaps it also sheds light on the deception inherent in mass media. It certainly exposes the interactions between celebrity, media and culture by blurring those lines.

I can't do this review justice without recounting the experience of my friend who accompanied me. He had not heard about Casey Affleck's admission that the film was fictional. He is a very compassionate young man who spends a great deal of his time around people broken by addiction who are struggling with many of the same issues facing JP in the film. As we sat there watching what he took to be a real life nervous breakdown and descent he became visibly upset. At one point he made a comment which made me realize he hadn't heard the news so I enlightened him. From then on a sense of betrayal was all that was left. Affleck and Phoenix had played on his heartstrings and then told him it was a lie. I am left wondering how many others had a similar reaction. That is the risk taken by these filmmakers and, no doubt, the debate will go on regarding their intentions and how successful they were in achieving those goals.

Waiting

Let me just be right up front about this in no uncertain terms.

I
HATE
WAITING

That is a general statement that you can take to the bank. If I'm put in a situation in which I have to wait, I am not pleased. Somehow, I'm beginning to get the feeling that God feels the need to change that about me. Otherwise, why would He continually place me in life situations in which I have no choice but to wait? Of course, I'm not talking about your every day, run of the mill waiting in line here. Oh, no! I'm talking about the continued financial viability of my family is on the line and I have to wait for Him to provide me with some means of actively earning money. Needless to say, this is not a position I would choose for myself. In need of a job in the middle of the worst job market in my lifetime. Stuck between two half-careers. Before this sinks further into ranting and self pity I will move on.

I don't like waiting because I like to be in control. I like to feel powerful. I like to determine how my life will go. When I have to wait I am no longer in control of my situation. I feel powerless. I feel weak. Aha! Perhaps we're getting down to it after all. One of the paradoxes of life lived in relationship with God is that when I am weak I am actually at my strongest. It makes zero point zero sense until I stop looking at myself and the world around me and remember that there's this whole God person who is actually in charge of everything. On my own I have a very limited amount of strength. We all do have some strength. Some of us leverage it into greater strengths than others through hard work and self-promotion. Others are in position to compile the strength of others for their own use. No matter how much strength we can accumulate, however, it will ultimately be a joke compared to the limitless power of the almighty creator of all that exists that is not Himself. So, when He decides that He is going to honor me by using me as a vessel it requires emptying me of all my pathetic "strength" so that He can fill me up with the power to move mountains.

So, here I am, empty. I'm waiting on God to do something with me. As the song says, waiting is the hardest part. The longer I wait, the more doubt creeps in. The longer I wait the more frustrated and angry I become. The longer I wait the deeper my faith has to grow in order to wait one more day. I guess that means that my faith will be deeper tomorrow than it was today. That is certainly worth waiting for.